[EBOOK READ] (George Washington Is Cash Money) Author Cory OBrien
He same it s a joy to hear him xpound on our nation s uniue and occasionally shady history For instance did you know that this almost happenedHappy Independence Day The writing is uestionable but the morals are hilarious Each chapter is very short and on different topic of American history At the nd
of chapter it is summarized in a one sentence moral I felt horrible laughing at parts because this each chapter it is summarized in a one sentence moral I felt horrible laughing at parts because this covers a lot of dark things in America s past for xampleChapter title The Trail of Tears is not the Name of a Linkin Park Album Reading aloud to my husband we are finding humorous Because now children all over Massachusetts start flipping the literal hell out all screaming yelling crawling under furniture You know The kind of dumb shit kids do and when Fitness for Geeks: Real Science, Great Nutrition, and Good Health everyone is like stop being Shitty They re like we can t because witches Have youver seen Drunk History on Comedy Central If not I suggest that you drop verything right now and watch This is drunk history in book form and it is hilarious I don t think that I have ver laughed so hard at the twisted knowledge that is shared between these pages What caught my attention was the cover and the title My husband will forever be known As Cash Money and I m so sure that he ll be psyched to know that Ah SarcasmAnd if what I said above wasn t Cause Of Fear enough to make you read this I m going to tell you some of the chapter titles that might change your mindThey all laughed at Christopher Columbus Because he was dumb Tea is for wankers Benjamin Franklin is the god of lightning Alexander Hamilton is a straight up G And now my personal favoriteBilly the kid loves bacon Killing peopleI will admit that some of these chapters are way out there If you are one that is hurt byverything and can t take a joke then I suggest you grow a pair and read this anyway It will lighten the mood and make you find the hilariousness that is history You also find some chin stroking pondering facts about history Who knew that people called Ben Franklin Big Dick That Christoper Columbus could have been a chippendales dancer And that they wanted you to forget about the tea and drink 40s I really njoyed this book and it makes you wish that this is how they teach verything in school I know that I would have been willing to show up and actually pay attention I ve learned a lot of interesting things along the way and history will never be the same And the moral of the story is that all children are assholes and is that if an apple tree falls in the forest and there s no one around to hear it who gives a shit This book reads like you heard that Mae Borowski knows about US history so you got her to tutor your kid Then Mae tried very hard bless her heart but doesn t actually know how to write a proper paper or use punctuation or give sources or any of that good stuff that school wants to make sure you can accomplishIt s sort of charming in its way but about as deep interesting as some creepy high schooler who listened to Hamilton because he heard the hot cheerleader likes historyA uick read don t complain if you receive it as a gift but if you re actually aiming to pursue information then grab something lse. Avoided danger by having prophetic seizures Joseph Smith invented Mormonism by staring into a hat full of rocks Billy the Kid was finally defeated by the smell of fresh baconAnd there's plenty Star Spangled stupidity where that came fro. Read this aloud over a campfire with some buddies and laughed our asses off O Brien is hilarious while maintaining a line between his hyperbole and fact History fans will probably njoy I first discovered Cory O Brien when I read Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes A No Bullshit Guide to World Mythology and absolutely loved it so when I discovered he had written another book I grabbed it I am a little mbarrassed to admit that I actually knew of the tales in the world mythology book than I did in this one about the United States considering I live there and have taken History courses very year until I graduated from high school Perhaps if the teachers used O Brien s books there would be teenagers willing to open their textbooks But then getting a book that contains curse words not only throughout the book but actually in the title past the school board Yeh good luck with thatAnywayI did find the author s choices rather interesting Some of them were not xactly history but were not ntirely myth ither And then there were the very atypical tales ones not necessarily told from the winner s perspective which is who tends to write the history books anyway right The first chapter tells a version of the Cherokee Creation story after all who are the real Native Americans followed by the hopefully well known by now truth about Christopher Columbus and what an idiot he was and how he discovered North America Other tales are about the Roanoke Colony the Salem Witch Trials the Declaration of Independence and misc presidents along with Lewis and Clark the Trail of Tears and the Alamo then O Brien randomly tosses in tales about Rip Van Winkle Paul Bunyan Johnny Appleseed Bre r Rabbit Roswell and of course
Elvis Back To Actual US Back to actual US he discusses important people like Thomas Edison Harriet Tubman Martin Luther King then shifts off track again to delve into tales about Al Capone HH Holmes and Marilyn Monroe To be honest I m not uite sure how the author chose the topics he wrote about unless he has a massive case of ADD but he actually taught me a number of things I didn T Know About US History know about US history mythology he didn t tell you which was which or if they are all history or if they are all myth but he did it in such a fashion that held my attention better than any history teacher ver had before So if you re interested in US historymythology and have a sense of humor I think you ll The Lady in Pink enjoy this book Andven if you don t care about US History per se I still think you ll Eyes enjoy this book and mightven learn something from it As long as you re willing to just go along for the ride I think you ll have a grand ole time I know that I did Now if all my American History courses had been taught like this I would have njoyed them a lot Note US History was my least favorite school subjectAnd yet I njoyed reading about it all again here in this no bullshit way But while some of the writing made me smile or chuckle I didn t have any laugh out loud moments like I did with O Brien s previous book which is why this is just shy of getting a 5 star rating from me Also there were one or two chapters repeated from the first book which felt a bit like a che. PREPARE TO BE BEAKED BY THE MAJESTIC EAGLE OF HISTORY Most of us are familiar with the greatest hits and legendary heroes of US history In George Washington Is Cash Money Cory O'Brien author of Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes does away with At to meI am disappointed this
book stopped at Kennedy I d love to have read O Brien s take on Watergate stopped at Kennedy I d love to have read O Brien s take on Watergate myth of Reagan aka what all the current Republicans think he was and the Clinton scandal Maybe next time American History has a lot of myths and I d definitely recommend this to well Sinner's Heart everyone since it gives you uite a bit to think about in how we present our history and what we believe happened And in a fun and amusing way to boot i am very glad thisxists and seriously considering writing something similar for canadian history i know we don t uite hit the great height of lulz of american history but one of our best known prime ministers held seances with his dead dog i feel like i should be able to get at least a chapter out of that also there was that one time we burned down the white house so just gotta figure out the perfect title4 stars Cory s at it again Like those old guys who hang out at diners and doughnut shops he s ranting and raving about things that happened long ago and can t be changed He has opinions on EVERYTHINGBen FranklinBen gets born in Boston around 1706which means he had xactly seventy yearsto become nough of a ruckus causerto spark off the American RevolutionYeahimagine your granddad banging hookers in Francewhile simultaneously negotiating military treatiesand maybe you ll understand why I like this guyThe Trail of TearsThe Cherokees have busted their asses for YEARSto make white people like themthey have taken up farmingslave owningspeaking Englishwearing stupid bow tiesall
THE HALLMARKS OF TRUE CIVILIZATIONAND THEYhallmarks of true civilizationand they Spirit of the Wolf expect that as a result of thisthey will be treated by the Europeans the same way the Europeans treatach otherThe problem here is that the Cherokee do not know European historyHe vaguely remembers the AlamoSo Mexico owns Texasand Texas is full of Americansbut it s okaybecause up to this point Mexico has been pretty chillwhat with having a federal government and allbut then Mexico s like Wait a secondyou know what s better than a federal governmentA TOTALITARIAN DICTATORSHIPWOOOOOAnd Texas is like Oh no you di intCuster s Last StandBecause here s the thingafter Custer diesAmerica is like OH SHIT PATRIOTISM and they fund the hell out of the armywhich proceeds to wipe the floor with the Lakotaby systematically denying them foodso about half of them join reservationsand the other half led by Sitting Bullmove to Canadathus continuing the time honored American tradition of moving to Canada very time something sucksAnd purely American myths like Elvis John Henry and Pecos BillSo Pecos Bill jumps on that tornadopushes it to the groundjumps on itsbackand is like Giddy up you son of a bitchSo the tornadoobviously is like FIGGITY FUCK NOThis is not just me injecting swears into mythologyfor oncethe tornado seriously starts cursingBill has pissed off this force of nature SO MUCHit has miraculously gained the power of speechand it is using it to say fuck a lotThis was not uite as hilarious as Cory s first mythological go round Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes A No Bullshit Guide to World Mythology though perhaps I m just overly familiar with the subject matter in this book All He pomp and circumstance and calls America's history what it is one long violent soap opera In his signature clever crude and cuss ridden style O'Brien reminds us that Teddy Roosevelt stopped bullets with his manly chest Harriet Tubman.